Hurts the Most
by Macahol84
Summary: A different twist on 01x10. Warning some spoilers!
1. Chapter 1

A nurse walked into the hospital room of William Sorenson. Checking vitals and adjusting his pillows. Before she left turned to Kate Beckett and said, "Excuse me ma'am. A gentleman left this note for you."

She handed Kate the note and left the room. Puzzled Kate opened the note and silently read it.

_There's a file on your desk. No rush. I'm sorry. -Castle_

"What is it Katie?" Will asked in his drug induced state.

Kate Beckett crumpled the note and cleared her throat. "Nothing," She smiled weakly not sure what Castle meant by the note.

A few hours later she arrived at the precinct and went straight for her desk. The words Castle had written were still floating around her head. Kate walked up to her desk looking for the file and was shocked to see her mother's folder sitting on top. With shaking hands, Kate Beckett opened the folder afraid of what was inside. A single typed paper rest on top of the pages she had already memorized.

_Kate,_

_I know that you told me not to touch this case but you see, I already had it by then. And you told me not to use my resources but I already did by then. You told me we'd be through. I'm sorry Kate. I spent the better part of the past month studying this case. Looking for anything that someone might have missed. I called my friend Clark Murray. He's a forensic pathologist. He found that one of the stabbings to the kidney was twisted offering the notion that this was not a random gang violence act but a meditated murder. He checked records and found there were two other stabbings like this at the time. I left post-it marks on the pictures that have new information with them._

_I know that by doing all of this I have violated your trust and you will carry out the action of revoking my shadowing. I couldn't bare to see that happen, so I made it easier. Good-bye Kate. I won't bother you again._

_Sincerely,_

_Richard Castle_

Kate Beckett read over the letter three more times with tears brimming in her eyes. Richard Castle had managed to get a new lead in her mom's case. After years of searching for answers, he found them in a few weeks. And having him constantly around for a few months, just like that he was gone. Kate Beckett collapsed into her office chair and let her sobs fill the silence of the precinct. For now she would not be a Detective, strong and confident. For now she would be herself, hurt and confused.

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A/N: One shot? Continue? Let me know...And don't worry. I'm still working on my other story. This idea just hit me out of no where.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This is my take of those few weeks/months after Johanna Beckett's death. I hadn't intended on writing a second chapter for this so soon but this again wrote itself.

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Kate walked into the empty room that had once been filled with so much love and life. The room where lessons were taught from a mother to her daughter. Sitting in the middle of the room, Kate Beckett began to cry thinking of her mother once more. Footsteps broke the silence as a body approached her, wrapping her in strong loving arms.

"Sh, it's going to be ok," he whispered rocking her slowly back and forth. Kate shook her head.

"Dad, I need her here," Kate cried once more. Michael Beckett tilted his daughter's face up and looked into her eyes.

"She still is here," he said sincerely. "She's in our hearts and she's in our thoughts. Does that help at all?"

"No it doesn't. She still had things she needed to teach me," Kate stated looking into her father's eyes. Michael Beckett let out a ragged breath.

"I'll tell you what, why do you have her study." He gestured around the room they were currently sitting in. "Everything in this room was picked out by your mom. It's her to every last corner. It can be your's alone."

"Won't you want to come in here too?" Kate asked sitting up a bit.

Michael shook his head. "Not yet, but given time I eventually will. Speaking of, how is Will doing? Are you too still dating?" He asked in a desperate attempt to get his daughter's mind onto thinking of something else.

Kate nodded her head. "He keeps trying to get me to go to parties with him. Saying something about staying busy helps the healing process," Kate shrugged.

Michael glanced at the clock. "I think I'm going to get out of here princess."

"Good night Daddy," Kate said still seated on the floor watching her dad walk out of the room. Kate glanced around at the furniture. There was a desk on side of the room that her mother used to write letters, pay bills, and wrap presents. Behind the desk was a wall of windows that over looked Central Park. Her mother loved being outside. On wall was obscured by two doors granting access from the hallway as well as a private bathroom. The remain walls were covered with bookcases each filled with a few sentimental items from over the years and a random assortment of books. Along with two arm chairs positioned relatively close to the bookcases for enjoyable reading.

Kate smiled thinking about her mom's reading habitat. Growing up it seemed like she had a new book every week. Kate walked over to the book case a read the spines of some of the books. Most of the books were romance novels written by various authors each having a muscular man standing with a beautiful model.

A few books caught Kate's eye. They were pulled out and stacked neatly away from the other books. She noticed they were thinner than the others but their spines were more colorful. Reading the titles Kate became enticed by the titles; _A Rose for Everafter; A Skull at Springtime; and At Dusk We Die. _These books didn't seem like the romance novels her mother normally read.

Michael walked to the doorway with a brown box in his hand. Smiling weakly he held it up and began to explain. "It's something she ordered I guess. Just arrived." Michael took a few steps into the room intending on placing the box on the desk but Kate cut him off.

"I'll take it Dad," She offered giving her father a quick escape.

"Thanks sweetie," Michael said handing her the box and turning on his heel retreating from the room. Kate walked back to the bookcase and gathered the books her mom had pulled aside. There was something different about them. Sitting down in one of the chairs, books and box in hand, Kate studied the first book, _A Rose for Everafter, _and read the summary.

"Who wrote you?" She wondered out loud flipping the book to it's back cover. "Richard Castle." Kate Beckett studied the picture of the man on the book. He looked to be in his twenties. "He's probably not that much older than me," Kate stated to no one in particular.

She opened the book and began to read. It wasn't until she was half way through the book did Kate find her mother's bookmark. It was a faded piece of paper with some words scribbled on it. Kate tried her best to make sense of them but they just seemed like rubbish to her. The only sentence she could make out was "March 9-New Book Released". Kate chuckled to herself as she picked up the brown box post marked March 9. It was probably Richard Castle's newest book. She opened it and sure enough it was there. _Bullets and Bracelets _sat on crumpled newspaper with a hand written note.

'_Thank you for your support'_ it read. Kate chuckled as she admired all the signs that this was packaged by Richard Castle himself. Kate read each book multiple times each until a newer one was released. Richard Castle's books became her savior letting her escape into the last thing her mother enjoyed before she was taken.

After a few months, Kate knew she had to tell her father. Walking into the kitchen she took a deep breath and began. "Dad, I want to change my major."

Michael's ears perked up at this sudden revelation. "Change your major? To what?"

"Criminal Justice," Kate stated with a new determination in her eye. "It's not that much different from me being a lawyer. I just need to go through the police academy and I'm done. I can still keep the law degrees I have already."

Michael nodded his head. It seemed like Kate had thought this thoroughly through. "If you'll be happy doing that, then I'm happy for you."

"It will," She nodded.


End file.
